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What Not to Do With Adolescence

by Chris Holland

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1.
Coast 02:26
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I don’t wanna do this anymore I don’t think I can do this anymore The thoughts are dead inside my head My stomach is filling up with dread I can’t, anymore I don’t wanna stay here anymore I don’t wanna live here anymore Cause I feel so weak, my brain is bleak I feel like I have fallen from my peak I’m slurring all my words And waking up to messy blurs Stop the ship I wanna jump off I’ll swim to shore, just please let me off I don’t wanna coast anymore I don’t wanna coast anymore
2.
Brighton 03:03
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So, this is what the last 18 months have come to A cliched song about how much I miss you I bet you’ll cringe whenever you hear this But I can’t help but reminisce Is there another guy? Did the distance send this all awry? But I need you here How I feel won’t disappear I’ll write a song like Taylor Swift does Full of anger and bitterness just because I hate to admit that I could have fixed this And I wouldn’t spend these lonely nights craving your kiss Is there another guy? Did the distance send this all awry? But I need you here How I feel won’t disappear We could have built ourselves a home in Brighton And cut the tension down when it started to tighten Anxiety please let me go Anxiety please let me go Anxiety please let me go Anxiety please let me go Is there another guy? Did the distance send this all awry? But I need you here How I feel won’t disappear We could have built ourselves a home in Brighton And cut the tension down when it started to tighten Anxiety please let me go Let me go Let me go Let me go Let me go
3.
Need A New Life, You Broke Mine 06:35
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I thought that I knew you but that didn’t seem to be true You lead me to believe that I could never leave After all the shit you put me through I didn’t know you were missing screws And maybe if you let me go, I could cut the strings of this puppet show You’re hurting me, why can’t you see That I need help pulling out this knife A failed escape another bruised scrape You find joy in cutting up my life Take off these chains get out of my brain You’re driving me insane and causing me pain A failed escape another bruised scrape I want a new life because you broke mine I wish that I could move on, but you keep pulling me back I wish I could see a new dawn, but you refuse to give me slack What is it about you that won’t let me get away? What is it about you that makes me want to stay? I push you pull till you feel full then push me to the ground You’re using me and that I see but still don’t make a sound You’re hurting me, why can’t you see That I need help pulling out this knife A failed escape another bruised scrape You find joy in cutting up my life Take off these chains get out of my brain You’re driving me insane and causing me pain A failed escape another bruised scrape I need a new life because you broke mine
4.
Dead Grass 02:42
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Watch the sunset in the evening Cause nothing really matters with this feeling Watch the sunrise in the morning Keep our heads down, we’ll ignore the warning Watch the sky fall down While no one is around Did it really happen? Nothing else is left Except the heat from our breath And the sound of fire cracking The still country air I wish it was still there The moon shines at night time The beauty in the sky is so sublime And the dead grass, broken glass We step around it hoping time will pass Watch the sky fall down While no one is around Did it really happen? Nothing else is left Except the heat from our breath And the sound of fire cracking The still country air I wish it was still there
5.
Slowball 05:42
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Walk down the streets Hand’s caress hands Your lipstick tastes sweet But lips feel like sand Desperation is a wicked game Starts with flirtation And ends in shame We fall to the ground I don’t think I’ll stick around No one must hear Whatever happens here It feels right in the moment But it leaves us feeling broken A drunken mind is a heavy heart The place where depravity will start With hands on my neck I scream bloody murder I feel like a wreck Saying no to your orders But intoxication clouded things And smoothened out your broken skin I thought I was different from the other guys But my head’s getting bigger as it fills up with lies We fall to the ground I don’t think I’ll stick around No one must hear Whatever happens here It feels right in the moment But it leaves us feeling broken A drunken mind is a heavy heart The place where depravity will start I’ve been getting awful looks Since I left your bed frozen with heartbreak by crooks I say I don’t give a damn But my stuttered rejection is less than a sham We fall to the ground I don’t think I’ll stick around No one must hear Whatever happens here It feels right in the moment But it leaves us feeling broken A drunken mind is a heavy heart The place where depravity will start
6.
Put Out The Fire 04:16
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7.
Hiraeth 02:44
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8.
A Call to Arms 04:04
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Cutting ties from lullabies Cause they won’t let me get to sleep We move apart, a friendship dies That’s the reason I’m counting sheep A memory is a disease And you wait for the reprise A call to arms for family It ends and you face reality I’m too young to grow up But I don’t have a choice Don’t expect me to show up Hear my silent voice I say I’ve moved on but I haven’t I can’t forget the things that happened Mistakes I’ve made are in the fade The future makes me afraid Run away, I’ll run away But I’ll always run right back All the time I’ll try to stay My freedom fades into the black The worst of it was better than this Oh what I would do to go back All my regrets could fill a list The reasons why seem to lack I’m too young to grow up But I don’t have a choice Don’t expect me to show up Hear my silent voice I say I’ve moved on but I haven’t I can’t forget the things that happened Mistakes I’ve made are in the fade The future makes me afraid
9.
What If I Said 04:27
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You let me know of the chance I had I was too scared so I didn’t act We felt the same that you didn’t know I have a knack for being slow I came along and kind of threw it all away I would go back cause I know everything I’d say I’d try my best to make sure that you’d stay And maybe then we’d put ourselves on display What if I said that I knew it from the start From all the whispers that poured out from the heart Why did I have to tear it all apart That is the price of not being very smart I should have known from the things that you said I should have let you know, but I was filled up with dread I guess I’m scared of people getting close That’s what happens when you’re lonely I suppose What if I said that I knew it from the start From all the whispers that poured out from the heart Why did I have to tear it all apart That is the price of not being very smart What if I said that I knew it from the start From all the whispers that poured out from the heart Why did I have to tear it all apart That is the price of not being very smart What if I said, what if I said What if I said that I loved you from the start What if I said, what if I said What if I said that I loved you from the start
10.
Say Something 05:06
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11.
Repetition 00:32
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12.
House of Terror 04:36
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Talent isn’t needed if you wanna get somewhere It’s all about who you know and the marketability of your hair You can have your name up in lights be the hottest thing around If you’re willing to sell your soul to the upper-class business men who run the town The pragmatic road to fame is selling out Caring about artistry will leave you stuck on the checkouts The villainous scum bag kids Will all end up with the highest bids But the artists see none of it Cause there’s no room in the market Why can’t there be a world Where creativity lives on forever And all the boys and girls Won’t grow up inside a house of terror If you want that figure you cannot eat Or you won’t be on the magazines read on every street Good luck if you have no sex appeal You’re gonna be on benefits to get another meal Why can’t there be a world Where creativity lives on forever And all the boys and girls Won’t grow up inside a house of terror Why can’t there be a world Where creativity lives on forever And all the boys and girls Won’t grow up inside a house of terror
13.
I Hope You're Happy Now 05:24
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Tell me the truth It’s me it’s not you You left it unsaid But it’s not hard to thread And honestly, I cannot blame you I miss the days We’d stay up and we’d say Forever is a long time, but let’s sit back and take in the view Where ever you are I hope you’re happy now Is someone healing your scars Something I never worked out Did it help with your art? Us being apart Was it all a mistake? Did you finally wake? Did I mean anything to you at all? Rip out the page It was just a stage To recovery, suddenly am I now somebody’s doll Where ever you are I hope you’re happy now Is someone healing your scars Something I never worked out Oh, I hope you’re happy now I don’t think I’m coping with it very well I’m trying to pull myself out of this hell I’m clinging to sex and drugs and alcohol But nothing I do will stop this fall Where ever you are I hope you’re happy now Is someone healing your scars Something I never worked out Tell me the truth It’s me it’s not you And honestly, I cannot blame you

about

5 years ago, I wrote a song called ‘A Call to Arms.’ At this point, music was just a hobby. Something I did for fun and never anything I thought would become a passion and a dream of mine. As I played the song at open mic nights, I realised that it was a culmination of a wide array of emotions that I had no clue how to express and shortly after I realised that music can be an outlet for everything you want to say and everything you feel but just don’t know how to put into words. After scrapping multiple attempts at a debut album and throwing those songs out onto EPs and singles, I finally brought together a collection of the best material I have to offer. A collection of songs of growing up in a world constantly out to get us. I did my best to put myself into every piece of the songs lyrically and musically and never stopping until I believed that what I had created was perfect. And I am happy to finally share 3 years of work with you.

credits

released August 2, 2019

This album would not be possible without some of the most important people in my life (for better or for worse). Special thanks to the following people:
My parents, Sarah and Sean for letting their first-born child follow an impossible dream and for being the most supportive parents in the world.
My girlfriend Darcie, who helped me during the hard-final months of creating the album as well as for doing all the incredible artwork seen on 3 of the 4 singles as well as the album cover.
My good friend Connor, who’s passion and determination towards his own life goals inspired me heavily to actually get this thing done. As well as for listening to a rough draft of the album when I didn’t know what to do next.
My friends Kallum and Kai, for coming to many open mic nights to hear me sing songs about being depressed and always being there when I needed a break.
My university ensemble group known as M.I.S.T who constantly supported my music, helped me become a more confident performer and also member Nat for helping me record a handful of tracks on the album as well as doing backing vocals for ‘Dead Grass.’
And the people who were apart of my life for a long time, supported me through those times before they exited my life for one reason or the other. The good and bad experiences I’ve had over the past few years will shape my future and hopefully make me the best version of me I can possibly be.
Chris Holland <3

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Chris Holland Portsmouth, UK

Portsmouth based singer/songwriter Chris Holland consistently subverts expectations and blends a vast array of genres and sounds together including Indie Rock, Folk, Pop, Synthpop and Emo.
His new album 'Abyss of Eternity' sees him working with the elusive virtual band 'Material Panic' looking to warn the world of the societal/economical dangers we pose to ourselves. ... more

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